Funny Newspaper Clippings

The man on the floor was bleeding heavily from six bullet wounds to the chest and abdomen, Gavrilas said.
“I plugged his gaps,” he said. “I took some Bounty [paper towels], the quicker picker-upper, and applied some pressure to his wounds.

A staff member in Thackeray Hall reported to campus police that a male came in his office and began a conversation.